ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
