my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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