Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
