you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
