Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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