just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
