New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
