he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
