literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
