never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
