Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We need to get me chipped asap
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
