Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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