We need to rekindle our bromance
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
