I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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