i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
