I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I will die if light touches me.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
