Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It's Friday. Sex?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
