So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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