...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
