i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
