do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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