corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
