I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you didnt know i had herpes?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
