For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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