just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Farmville is her only friend.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
