Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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