The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
