I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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