Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
