i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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