Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
