So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
