I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
