she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
