I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
