wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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