and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
