Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize