Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
