Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
