In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
