well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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