I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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