Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
