Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can you bring me the toilet please
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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