It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
