I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
