arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I need a beard to bite.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
