okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
