we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
