whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
